What to Say When Someone’s Frustrated at Work: Scripts, Steps, and the Mindset to Build Real Connection

Why Frustration Is a Leadership Opportunity (Not a Detour)

Seeing someone spiral into frustration at work can feel awkward. Do you lean in? Back away? Loop in their manager? We get it—it’s uncomfortable. But here’s the truth we teach at Change Enthusiasm Global (CEG): leaning into emotion at work is a high-leverage leadership move. When you engage with care, you can motivate, inspire, and strengthen trust—across peers, direct reports, and even up the org chart.

In this guide, you’ll learn:

• Why emotion belongs in business (and why “leave feelings at the door” is a myth)

• How to quickly decide whether you are the right person to engage

• A simple, repeatable playbook for what to say—and how to listen

• A crucial watch-out that derails even well-intentioned leaders

• How to close strong and sustain connection with a thoughtful follow-up

Let’s get into it.

Emotion Belongs at Work (Full Stop)

We are emotional beings. We don’t clock out of our inner life when we badge in. Through our research at CEG, the old idea that you should “leave emotions at the door” is fully debunked. Emotion is data—especially during change and uncertainty. When frustration shows up (in others or in yourself), denying it doesn’t make it disappear. It pushes it underground, where it can corrode trust, focus, and performance.

So the goal isn’t to avoid emotional energy. It’s to work skillfully with it. That begins with two moves: a quick relationship check, followed by a sincere pursuit of understanding.

Step 1: Do a Quick Relationship Check

Before you approach someone who’s clearly frustrated, pause and ask:

1. Do I have enough relationship equity? Is there a baseline of safety and trust between us?

2. Is this the right moment? Heightened emotion narrows bandwidth. If you’re a stranger—or if your last touchpoint was tense—your outreach might land wrong.

3. What role am I in? Peer, manager, skip-level, cross-functional partner, executive? The more power you hold, the more intentional you must be.

If the answer to #1 is “not yet,” your best move might be to create safety first: a quick check-in message, a shared coffee, a neutral “How’s your week?” over Slack—before you wade into the tough stuff. If the answer is yes, proceed to the most important part of this process: the sincere pursuit.

Step 2: The Sincere Pursuit—Acknowledge, Invite, Listen

The sincere pursuit is a simple three-beat rhythm: Acknowledge → Invite → Listen.

1) Acknowledge

Open with a gentle observation that names what you see without judgment.

• “Hey, I noticed you don’t seem quite yourself today.”

• “It looks like something’s weighing on you.”

2) Invite

Ask permission and invite them to share, while naming the likely emotion.

• “Does it feel like frustration is coming up?”

• “Is something specific getting under your skin today?”

• “If you’re open to it, want to talk it through for a few minutes?”

3) Listen (for real)

If they share, get quiet. Don’t interrupt. Track feelings and facts. When they finish, reflect back what you heard:

• “I’m hearing you’re feeling frustrated, mainly because X, Y, and Z. Did I get that right?”

Reflection does three things at once: it shows you were listening, it helps them feel seen, and it clarifies the facts. In the CEG Change Enthusiasm® framework, this is Signal Spotting in action—tuning into the emotional data before you jump to solutions.

Pro tip: If they’re not ready to share, respect the boundary:
“Totally okay if now’s not the time. I’m here if you want to talk later.”

Step 3: Validate and (Briefly) Relate

Once they’ve named what’s true for them, validate it. Validation doesn’t mean you agree with their conclusions; it means you acknowledge their experience is real.

• “Given what you just shared, it makes sense you’d feel frustrated.”

• “That would throw me off, too.”

When appropriate, offer a short personal parallel—not to hijack the moment, but to normalize the feeling:

• “Last week I got handed a last-minute pivot and I had to step away to reset. I know that jolt.”

Keep it concise. The spotlight stays on them. Your goal is to say, “You’re not alone. I see you.”

Step 4: Don’t Default to Fixing—Ask What They Need

Here’s where even seasoned leaders stumble: we rush to fix. We toss out solutions, introduce action items, and create a plan—before the person actually feels heard. That can backfire, making them feel managed instead of supported.

Swap fixing for curiosity:

• “What would be most helpful right now—brainstorming or just having me listen?”

• “Do you want ideas, or do you want a sounding board?”

And if they do want ideas:

• “Great—want to map options for five minutes and pick a next step?”

This micro-choice creates autonomy and increases buy-in. It’s also pure empathy in practice.

Step 5: Close the Loop and Commit to a Follow-Up

As the energy settles, land the plane:

• Summarize: “You’re frustrated about X, Y, Z. Today you’re going to A and B. I’ll do C.”

• Offer support: “I’m in your corner. Ping me if you hit a snag.”

• Schedule a quick touchback: “How about we check in within a week? Coffee or a quick call?”

We recommend a follow-up within seven days. That cadence says: I didn’t just drop in for a moment of performative care. I actually care. Over time, these micro-touches become data points that build a durable, authentic connection.

What to Say: Ready-to-Use Scripts

Use these as scaffolding—keep the language natural to you.

Opening Acknowledgment + Invite

• “Hey—am I reading it right that you’re feeling frustrated about something? If you’re open to it, I’ve got a few minutes and would love to listen.”

Reflecting Back

• “Sounds like you’re frustrated because the priorities shifted again, approvals are slow, and you’re carrying the fallout. Is that accurate?”

Validation + Brief Relate

• “That makes sense to me. I’d feel that too. I had a similar hit last month and needed a reset.”

Choice-Making

• “What would help right now—ideas, or a space to vent and be heard?”

Close + Follow-Up

• “Okay, so today you’ll clarify scope and push for a decision by EOD; I’ll document the trade-offs. Let’s touch base next Wednesday—coffee on me?”

When You Should Not Engage (Yet)

Even with the best intentions, there are times to pause:

• No relationship equity: If you barely know them, build small-scale rapport first.

• Visible desire for space: If body language says “not now,” honor it.

• Power dynamics are fraught: If you’re two levels up and this could feel risky for them, consider routing support through their manager or HR partner—with care and consent.

Respecting boundaries is respecting emotion.

Bringing the Change Enthusiasm® Lens to Frustration

CEG’s Change Enthusiasm® turns emotion into an advantage with three moves:

1. Signal Spotting: Name what you’re feeling. (“Frustration is here.”)

2. Opportunity Framing: Ask, “What is this moment offering us?” (Clarity? A process fix? A reset of expectations?)

3. Choice Making: Pick one forward action. (Clarify scope, renegotiate deadline, align on decision rights.)

You can coach others through the same lens:

• “What’s the strongest signal you’re noticing?”

• “If this frustration had a job, what would it be trying to tell us?”

• “What’s one choice we can make today that improves things?”

Over time, this builds a shared language for emotion that normalizes honest conversation and accelerates problem-solving.

Common Pitfalls (and Better Alternatives)

Pitfall: “Calm down. It’s not a big deal.”
Better: “I can see this matters. Tell me what part feels heaviest.”

Pitfall: “Here’s what you should do…” (unsolicited)
Better: “Would ideas help, or is listening better right now?”

Pitfall: “At least…” (minimizing)
Better: “Given X and Y, it makes sense you’d feel this way.”

Pitfall: “Let me handle it” (rescuer mode)
Better: “What support would make you successful owning the next step?”

Turn One Conversation into Culture Change

One great conversation is powerful. A repeatable pattern of great conversations changes culture. Try this as a team norm:

• Weekly pulse check: One agenda item—“What’s one friction point and one bright spot this week?”

• Blameless review: When things go sideways, focus on systems and signals, not villains.

• Visible follow-ups: Close every tough conversation by documenting agreed next steps and a check-in date.

The message employees receive: Emotion is welcome here. We respond to it with curiosity, clarity, and care.

Free Research: What Your People Think (But Aren’t Saying) About Change

If this topic sparks ideas, we have something for you. CEG partnered with the research firm CGK to study emotion and change at work today. The findings unpack what employees are likely feeling—but not voicing—during disruption, and how leaders can respond.

We’re gifting the complete white paper—data, insights, and practical actions—to help you grow through your biggest change challenges.

[Click here to grab the free White Paper]

Bringing It All Together

When someone’s frustrated, you have a choice: sidestep the moment—or step into leadership. By doing a quick relationship check, sincerely pursuing understanding, validating their experience, resisting the urge to fix too fast, and following up within a week, you’ll transform awkwardness into an authentic connection.

That’s how trust compounds. That’s how teams get braver. That’s how change becomes fuel.