Men go through change at work. They feel it, too.
What we rarely get is men talking about it, least of all from the top of a team.
That gap shaped a conversation we hosted in August. Christopher J. Gross moderated a panel with Riaz Meghji and Gary Deppe on how men experience emotion, how they express it, and when they push it down. At work and at home.
The talk covered leadership, parenting, and relationships. It also took aim at a belief that plenty of leaders still carry that strong leadership means having every answer.
Three points from that conversation have stayed with me.
You Can Lead Without Certainty
Gary made the point plainly. You can admit you don't have all the answers and still lead with confidence in the path ahead.
Both can be true at once.
The panel called this confident vulnerability. I find the label useful.
Too many leaders treat not knowing as a weakness to cover up, when they could just say it.
Confidence and certainty are different things. Certainty is about the outcome.
Confidence is trusting yourself, and your team, to work it out together.
When did you last tell your team, "I don't know yet"? How did they respond?
Name It Privately First
You don't have to open up with a big, public conversation. The panel was clear on that.
The first step is to recognize what you feel.
You can do that on your own, well before you say anything in front of your team.
Many leaders need to hear this.
They stay silent about anything hard because they assume there are two choices: say nothing or lay it all out in front of everyone.
There's a step in between. Most of the real work happens there.
Don't Rush to Fix What Someone Needs to Feel
This one comes up constantly in change work.
The panel pushed back on the urge to solve.
Some days, support means staying with someone in the discomfort.
You don't fix it for them.
That urge runs strongest in leaders who learned that their job is to have answers.
Letting a hard moment stay unresolved takes skill. It gets underused.
Next time someone on your team brings you something difficult, can you hold off on the solution?
Why This Matters for Change Work
Change asks people to live with not knowing.
Most workplace cultures leave men little room to admit how hard that is.
The successful change leaders we've worked with share a trait.
They've made peace with not having every answer, and they say so, out loud, in front of their teams.
Call it a soft skill if you want. The rest of the change work depends on it.
Where to Go from Here
Does your leadership team need a more honest conversation about how change feels for the people leading it, and not only for the people living through it?
Then talk to our team about what that could look like.
